i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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