I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
