We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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