Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
