Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
