elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
