Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
