Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize