i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
