I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Still dying that you shit outside
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
