I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize