So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
