I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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