strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
