i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize