I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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