Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
