I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The dick lei will go down in squad history
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
