i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
