i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
