i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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