my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
