I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
