I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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