so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Two words: blizzard sex
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
