are you so shy because you have an std?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize