TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
