I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
porn star boner night. come get it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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