How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
