So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
