I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
