Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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