I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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