Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
