My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
