Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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