I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
