Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
