Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize