I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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