I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
