Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
ugly people sure do ruin things
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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