You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
