Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
