What did we do last night that was yellow?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
