so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
