somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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