but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What a dumb baby whore.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize