sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Drake has all the answers
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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