i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
