I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
