My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
