Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
