I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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