Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
