I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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