The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
