I like to think it a success when the cops are called
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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