i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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