do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
