I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Drunk is a universal language darling
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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