I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
