It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
sick fucks of a feather flock together
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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