i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
