facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
