I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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