All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
