when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
