what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
