Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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