U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
