Moan for me like Helen Keller
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Randomize
