i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
