STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
