i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize