Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
