He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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