Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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