Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
