sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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