There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
