this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize