Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
