dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
