dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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