I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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