My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
