I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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