he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
