it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
